Before the wedding
- Mangniمنگنی
- The engagement, where the families exchange rings, sweets and gifts and formally agree on the match. Some families hold a smaller baat pakki first to settle it, then a larger mangni later.
- Dholkiڈھولکی
- Evenings of singing wedding songs to the beat of a dholak, held at the bride's home (and often the groom's) in the days or weeks before the wedding. Friends, cousins and neighbours drop in.
The wedding week
- Mayun / Ubtanمایوں / اُبٹن
- A few days before the wedding the bride 'sits in mayun'. She usually wears yellow, female relatives apply ubtan (a paste of turmeric, gram flour and oils) for a glow, and traditionally she rests at home until the wedding. Many grooms have their own ubtan at home.
- Mehndiمہندی
- Henna is applied to the bride's hands and feet. Many families hold a lively evening of songs, dances and performances. In some, each side brings mehndi to the other's home; others hold one joint event.
The baraat and the nikah
In Canada, a religious nikah does not by itself register a civil marriage. In British Columbia, for example, couples need a provincial marriage licence and an officiant authorized to solemnize marriages. Rules differ by province, so many couples confirm the details with their imam.
- Baraatبارات
- The groom arrives with his family and friends at the bride's venue and is welcomed with garlands or rose petals. Light-hearted rasms such as doodh pilai (the bride's sisters offering the groom milk) and joota chupai (hiding his shoes) often follow.
- Nikahنکاح
- The Islamic marriage contract, usually conducted by an imam, qazi or maulana. It may take place on the baraat day, at a mosque, or at home, sometimes days or months before the rukhsati.
Inside the nikah ceremony
- Khutbahخطبہ
- The khutbat-un-nikah: a short sermon by the officiant, reciting verses of the Quran about marriage, followed by a dua for the couple. In many South Asian families, dried dates (chhuhare) are shared with guests afterwards.
- Ijab-o-quboolایجاب و قبول
- The offer and acceptance at the heart of the nikah. Both bride and groom must consent freely. In many South Asian families each is asked 'Qubool hai?' (Do you accept?) and answers 'Qubool hai' three times.
- Mahr / Haq mehrحق مہر
- A gift from the groom to the bride that belongs to her alone. The amount is agreed before the nikah and written into the nikah nama. It can be given at the nikah or deferred to a later date.
- Waliولی
- The bride's guardian, usually her father or another close male relative, who takes part in giving her in marriage. How the role is understood differs between schools of thought, so families follow their own scholars' guidance.
- Gawah (witnesses)گواہ
- At least two adult Muslim witnesses who hear the offer and acceptance and sign the nikah nama. Who may serve as a witness is set out differently in different schools of thought.
- Nikah namaنکاح نامہ
- The written marriage contract, signed by the bride, the groom, the witnesses and the officiant. It records the mahr and any conditions the couple agree on.
After the nikah
- Rukhsatiرخصتی
- The bride's emotional farewell from her parents' home as she leaves with the groom. In many families a Quran is held above her head as she steps out, and relatives offer duas.
- Walimaولیمہ
- The wedding feast hosted by the groom's family after the rukhsati, often the next day or within a few days. Hosting a walima is a sunnah, and it is often the largest gathering of the wedding.
Which functions need an invitation?
Families usually send one invitation that lists every function, then let guests RSVP to the ones they're invited to. A typical split looks like this, though every family draws the lines differently:
| Function | Who's invited | Invitation |
|---|---|---|
| Mangni | Close family and relatives | Phone call or small invitation |
| Dholki | Family, friends and neighbours | Often informal, a message or its own link |
| Mayun / Ubtan | Close family, mostly women | Usually informal |
| Mehndi | Family and friends | Yes, often its own link |
| Baraat & Nikah | Everyone | Yes |
| Walima | Everyone, often the largest list | Yes, from the groom's family |
Frequently asked questions
What is the order of Muslim wedding functions?
In most South Asian Muslim families: mangni, dholki, mayun and ubtan, mehndi, baraat and nikah, rukhsati, then the walima. Some families hold the nikah earlier, separately from the rukhsati.
What is the difference between the nikah and the walima?
The nikah is the religious marriage contract, with offer and acceptance, mahr and witnesses. The walima is the celebratory feast the groom's family hosts after the rukhsati.
What is mahr?
Mahr (haq mehr) is a gift from the groom to the bride that becomes hers alone. The amount is agreed before the nikah, written in the nikah nama, and can be given at once or deferred.
Is a nikah legally recognized in Canada?
Not on its own. A civil marriage needs a provincial marriage licence and an officiant authorized to solemnize marriages in that province. Many imams are authorized, but check with yours and with your province.
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